If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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