we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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