I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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