I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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