after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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