He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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