But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
