Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
