you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
