The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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