Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
