just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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