thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
