I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
