I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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