That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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