then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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