Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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