so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
