Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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