help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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