An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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