It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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