i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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