i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We need a shit load of segways right now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
