how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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