I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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