Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
