She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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