If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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