Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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