Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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