I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize