I checked into jail on foursquare
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
