If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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