Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
