I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
