you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
