Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
