My friends, they love my intelligence
My nipple is on Facebook.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
