yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
