Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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