I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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