I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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