so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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