it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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