In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
