when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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