Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize