My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
