my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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