there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
