shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
