worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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