went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
