I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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