his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
