my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
