I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
