I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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