Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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