y did u give ur computer a hand job?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
