I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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