I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
