The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
