Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
