So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
