my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As shirtless as possible
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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