Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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