and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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