your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
