ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize